The dreams had been the same for weeks now.
They always found Earth. They caused widespread panic on a planet that
apparently had enough issues of its own, but after a few months – something she
just knew in the dream, she didn’t experience them – they were granted asylum.
Laura would stand and watch as one by one the ships of the fleet landed in a
large desert area, seemingly miles from civilisation. Tears would well in her
eyes, but a smile would refuse to leave her lips. They had made it.
She could always sense Bill beside her, knowing he was watching the proceedings
with the same swell of pride, relief and complete and utter awe that she felt.
Tonight though, she turned to face him as the Rising Star descended. He wasn’t
there.
---
Laura woke with a start, panicked and frightened and at first unclear as to why.
Seconds later, when the events of her dream came back to her, she still wondered
at her reaction. She didn’t remember anything being frightening; she remembered
overwhelming happiness and relief; she remembered sharing that with Bill…
The sudden appearance of Tory at the doorway startled her from her thoughts.
“Madam President,” her aide began, in a tone Laura recognised all too well from
when Tory was delivering bad news.
She felt the fear rise in her stomach again. The same churning that her dream
had caused. “Tory?”
“We just had a call from Galactica. Admiral Adama has been admitted to the
sickbay…”
Laura was out of bed and gathering her clothes before Tory even began her second
sentence.
“… He collapsed in CIC. He’s been unconscious since. Colonel Tigh didn’t know
anything further. He called here immediately after Doctor Cottle threw him out
of sickbay.”
Laura’s eyes stung, her hands were shaking, and a bitter taste lined her throat,
but she was determined she would be dressed and on Galactica as soon as humanly
possible, and forced her responses to recede so she could achieve that.
“We’re preparing a shuttle for you now,” Tory continued, her own voice trembling
as she gave Laura the information. “I’ll wait outside,” she concluded, leaving
to give Laura space to get dressed.
Not that Laura cared. She’d have dressed in front of her aide if she’d had
reason to stay in the room. Sometimes, some things were just more important than
modesty.
It was only seconds later, but felt like far too long, when Laura rushed into,
and straight through, her office, Tory falling into step beside her. Laura was
still fastening the lower buttons of her blouse.
Sometimes some things were more important than Presidential image as well.
They were silent on the descent to the shuttle, and on the journey to Galactica.
Laura could think of nothing except Bill and everything that could possibly have
happened to him. And possible scenarios were racing through her head much too
fast for any to be articulated.
An occasional glimpse of rationality tried to tell her that she was probably
overreacting. There was no need to fear the worst; but irrationality won. The
worst case scenarios continued, and with them came the same abrupt sensation of
being punched in the chest that had hit her when she had found out Bill had been
shot. Over and over the breath was forced out of her lungs; her stomach turned;
she wanted to scream that it wasn’t fair; but she knew she had to maintain an
air of calm. It wouldn’t help him for her to break down. And – the rational part
reminded her again – she still didn’t actually know all the facts.
Getting to sickbay was a blur. She was breathing rapidly, so she assumed she had
run, but it really didn’t matter.
Doctor Cottle must have heard her enter, for he appeared from his office
immediately, an unlit cigarette in his hand.
“Madam President – ”
“Is he all right?”
Cottle nodded, and Laura knew she visibly sagged as relief flooded her system.
“He’s asleep,” the Doctor told her.
“But he regained consciousness?”
Cottle nodded again.
“Oh, thank the Gods,” she whispered. “Do you know what happened?”
The doctor glanced briefly at Tory, who was standing beside Laura, and in the
corner of her eye Laura saw her aide move away, obviously understanding what
Cottle had not said.
Cottle then turned and, frowning as a sense of dread overcame her once more,
Laura followed him into his office.
He paused after closing the door behind them, and when he turned back to face
her, the sombre expression on his face did nothing to abate her fears.
“Jack?” Her voice came out quiet as her fear choked her.
“The Admiral has a brain tumour,” he told her and Laura felt her heart drop. She
just stared at him, unable to speak.
“He came to me about five months ago because he was having headaches…”
Laura nodded. She had known Bill was having more headaches than he said he
usually did.
“… I think it was the pain that caused him to collapse today, but the tumour is
growing…. And, I can’t operate on it, Laura. The operation itself is too
dangerous to even attempt up here with what limited supplies and staff we have.”
Laura managed a squeaked response as she nodded. Her heart was breaking, but she
knew the doctor was right.
“What about treatment? Could that…”
Cottle was shaking his head before she was able to finish her question.
“He’s refused it.”
“What?!”
“He wants the resources to be kept. To help someone younger.”
Laura rubbed a hand across her face. That was just like Bill. “Noble to a
frakkin’ fault!” she exclaimed, turning away from Cottle just for something to
do. She couldn’t stand still.
She crossed the office and turned back to him again. “How long?”
“It’s impossible for me to predict.”
“Years?” she asked, daring to hope.
“Possibly. Could be months, Laura. I can’t guess.”
She just nodded as she tried to absorb what he was telling her.
“And there’s nothing - ”
He seemed to have a knack for knowing where her questions were leading. “He’s
even trying to refuse painkillers. I expect his collapse today is a result of
him not taking any of the ones I forced into his hand a week ago.”
Laura let out a long sigh, and a silence descended on the office as she tried to
make sense of it all.
After several minutes of muddled and incoherent thought, Laura raised her eyes
to meet Cottle’s.
“This can’t be happening, Jack,” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes.
“That’s what I told myself five months ago. When faced with a President dying of
breast cancer, and an Admiral with an inoperable brain tumour… But no matter how
hard I pray for another one, it seems the miracle of your complete remission is
the only one we’re going to get.”
Laura was moving, restless again. “Gods, if I’d known it was a choice…” she
trailed off, putting her hands on her hips, and then removing them again;
folding them over her chest, and then deciding that was no good either. She
didn’t know what to do with them and they were starting to annoy her. Or maybe
she was angry at Bill.
Frustration finally getting the better of her, she let out a short scream. “Five
months! I can’t believe he didn’t – ”
“Yes you can.” Cottle’s voice was calm; apparently unaffected by her little
outburst. He had seen her distraught many times before. During her second fight
with cancer, he had become the only person she would break down in front of. And
then it was only because he told her if she didn’t release some of her anger
then it would make her even more ill.
She whipped round to face him.
“You do understand why he didn’t tell you… You were still being treated for your
cancer, and then when it went into remission…” That sentence just trailed off.
“When was a good time to tell you? It’s been non-stop these last few months and
you know it… He didn’t want to burden you with it.”
She whispered, “It wouldn’t – ”
“If you’d have found about the cancer during all this, you wouldn’t have told
him,” Cottle stated confidently, “And you know it.”
Laura couldn’t dispute that. She knew it was true. With Starbuck’s return, and
finding out four of their closest friends were Cylons, there had really never
been an opportunity, let alone a suitable time, for Bill to broach such a
subject. He had obviously pushed it to one side, as she had done with her cancer
after the attacks.
Sometimes, some things were just more important.
Laura let out a shaky sigh, again, at the injustice of it all. “We’re so close
to Earth,” she said softly, her voice breaking on the words.
Cottle just nodded. It had been a statement; she hadn’t actually expected a
response.
“Can I see him?” she asked next.
“Sure. I think it’s best if he sleeps though. So try not to wake him…” He opened
the door and she stepped out of the office first. “… I’m going to keep him here
for a few days, for observation, and so I can make sure he’s resting.”
Laura’s eyebrows rose a little. “He’ll fight you.”
Cottle shrugged. “I outrank him in that situation… And he knows there’s a good
reason for that.”
Laura managed a smile as she imagined the look on Bill’s face when Cottle pulled
rank. His ‘anger, bubbling beneath the surface’ face always did make her smile:
Which on several occasions had only served to infuriate him further.
They stopped at the curtain that was drawn around Bill’s bed, but Cottle put his
hand on Laura’s arm as she started to go through.
“He gave me permission to tell you, Laura… But only you.”
Laura nodded, understanding what he was saying. “Does Lee – ”
“No. And he isn’t to be told... He doesn’t want it to get out to his crew, or to
the fleet… They’ve already had to deal with almost losing you – twice – he
doesn’t want them to go through it again.”
“They’re going – ”
“I told him you’d argue.”
Laura and Cottle froze when Bill’s voice drifted through the curtain.
Laura drew the fabric apart at the corner, and smiled sheepishly when her eyes
met Bill’s.
“You should be asleep,” she reprimanded him.
“As should you,” he retorted.
“I agree with both of you,” Cottle offered as Laura walked into the cubicle and
stopped beside Bill’s bed. “So you have ten minutes, Madam President. And then
you’re both going to get some sleep.”
His parting words delivered, the doctor left them alone.
“How are you feeling?” Laura asked, before considering how lame that actually
sounded, and lowering her head in shame. “Sorry,” she muttered.
When she looked up, Bill was smiling. Her own smile widened.
“You’d think we’d have sorted out our communication issues by now, wouldn’t
you?” Laura asked after a few seconds, her expression becoming more serious
again.
“You had enough to deal with,” he said quietly. “And then when you told me about
the remission…” He smiled wistfully as he continued, “I was so happy I couldn’t
bring myself to end that.”
Laura felt like something was constricting her chest. “Bill,” she said, reaching
for his hand.
He accepted her fingers, stroking his thumb gently across them. “Laura, I will
make it to Earth.”
She squeezed his hand tightly in both of hers and swallowed the lump that rose
in her throat. “Well, with the Adama determination on your side…”
“When you were ill, I promised myself every day that we would make it to Earth,
and we would stand side by side and watch our fleet step into safety… I intend
to keep that promise.”
Laura nodded and tried to suppress the sadness that was trying to overwhelm her.
She had come to terms with leaving him when she expected to die. When she found
out that wasn’t going to happen yet, she readjusted to the idea of getting to
Earth with Bill; of owning a cabin by a lake; of being free of their
responsibilities and able to explore the attraction they had somehow managed to
fight… She wasn’t prepared to lose him now.
“Laura.” His voice took on a more warning tone now, and she knew he was aware of
where her thoughts had taken her.
“Sorry.”
“I need you to stay positive, Laura,” he tugged gently on her hand and she
obliged and stepped closer to him. “Do you remember the night of my promotion?”
Of course she did. She nodded.
“Never give up hope, Laura,” he reminded her pointedly.
“You too, Bill,” she whispered, praying that he was right; that his
determination could win this fight for him as it had won many in the past.
He smiled, probably at her continuing the echo of their previous conversation,
and she couldn’t help but smile back. She had always been amazed how much
confidence she drew simply from Bill being present; and when he smiled, no
matter what was going on she had a feeling everything would be all right.
“I suppose you expect me to kiss you now,” she teased, with a smirk, to lighten
the mood.
“I’ve never expected you to do what I would expect,” he replied with a smirk of
his own.
Laura laughed and took another step closer to him, reaching one hand to tenderly
rest her fingers beneath his chin. “So you actually expect me not to kiss you?”
she whispered, moving her head closer to his.
“Laura,” he whispered back, a hint of warning, placing his hand around hers as
if to stop her.
“The worlds end, I get cancer, you get shot, I get cancer again, you get a brain
tumour… Bill, how many more signs do we need that life is too short to keep
playing this game?”
“Laura, you know why we’re playing this game…”
She nodded once. “Yes I do… Because we have responsibilities, we have duties,
we’re noble to a frakkin’ fault,” she smiled as she repeated the comment she had
made earlier. “But, I dream every night that we find Earth, Bill. We finally
make it; there may finally be a chance for us to step free of our
responsibilities… But tonight, you weren’t there when I turned to you. I don’t
want to wait too long, Bill,” she said slowly, her voice barely loud enough for
him to hear.
“I will make it to Earth, Laura,” he repeated, his voice as quiet as hers.
“We both know that nothing is certain in life, Bill. We might not both make it.
I don’t want to arrive at Earth with regret, and I’m sure you don’t… The
prophecy speaks of a dying leader. Maybe it’s me; maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s a
load of nonsense. But I’m not taking any chances anymore… I can be strong enough
to act in public like this isn’t happening; but I haven’t the strength to fight
fear and my feelings for you.”
His thumb gently wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
“So, it’s one or the other,” she told him.
“The press and the Quorum – ”
“Let them do what they like,” she interrupted. “Some times, some things are more
important.”
His palm rested on her cheek, as his eyes bore into hers intensely. She could
see his mind working through everything – his prognosis, her proposition, what
the repercussions might be. His expression changed with his thoughts, and
eventually she noticed the sparkle in his eyes and knew he had reached agreement
with her.
She offered him a small smile, which he returned.
“It’ll be okay,” she whispered, leaning into his touch.
He nodded and their eyes conveyed their understanding that they were talking
about more than just their relationship.
“You can kiss me now,” she whispered next, with a smirk.
“I thought you were going to kiss me?”
“Since when do I do what – ”
She had known she wouldn’t get to the end of that sentence.
-----
Laura felt the tears stinging her eyes as the Rising Star descended to the
desert ground on Earth. She smiled as she stood overlooking the area; half the
fleet had already landed, the other half were in preparation.
“We made it,” she whispered quietly to Bill.
His arm wrapped round her waist and pulled her closer to him. “Yes we did.”
“Gonna say ‘I told you so’?” she smirked, glancing at him from the corner of her
eye.
He pursed his lips in thought for a moment, then shook his head.
“Really?” she raised her eyebrows, smiling.
“Yes, really.” He pulled her even closer, kissing her temple before moving his
lips to her ear to whisper, “Think of everything we’d have missed if we’d have
waited until we got to Earth.”
-----
Laura awoke, smiling, and snuggled into the pillow, smelling Bill’s scent all
around her. She settled back down contentedly to return to sleep, only to wake
again seconds later as her mind registered where she was.
Opening her eyes, she glanced round Bill’s quarters, and the memories of that
night came back to her. Tears started to build instantly in her eyes, and she
forcefully swallowed the lump in her throat, rolling over onto her back and
dropping a hand across her eyes.
“I hope you’re right, Bill,” she whispered into the silence. “I can’t do this
without you.”
THE END