In The Darkness Find Them
Rating: Trainee
Disclaimer: CSI peeps do not belong to me, and after you've read this you'll be glad to hear that!
A/N: This IS the silliest fic I've ever written. And it could be very confusing. Hopefully by the end all your questions about the why and the how will have been answered if not, never mind - this fic was originally gonna be called "It's All About the What." cos really there's not much of the other Ws in it! You have been warned! This is pure silliness! Oh, and it's all dialogue!
Dedication: To Mackenzie, who made me remember that I'd started this, and convinced me to post it. And Gomey - who was very reassuring, but she hadn't read it at the time :-) Hope you like it.
Author's Apology: It's silly... I'm sorry!

"Bugs."

"Ew!"

"You can't say `ew'."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not a word… You can't use non-words in word association."

"Spoilsport!"

"We just need to get the ­ "

"I win!"

"What?"

"I win."

"How?"

"I said spoilsport. You responded with more than one word… Ergo, I win!"

"You do not win! At that point we weren't playing."

"You would say that because you lost."

"Well you lost the first round."

"That was the first round!"

"No it wasn't."

"Yes it was!"

"You would say that because you lost the first round."

"Well, what was the first round, smugman?!"

"When I said `bugs'."

"And I said `ew'. So I didn't lose. You abandoned the game ­ "

"To tell you the rules."

"You can't introduce rules once the game has started. So, technically I didn't lose."

"I won't play at all if you don't play fair."

"Yeah? And what'll we do instead?"

"I-spy?"

"Oh yeah. That'll be good!… Play word association with me… Please?"

"Okay. But you have to use real words!"

"Okay. You start."

"Okay… Beast."

"Beauty."

"Sara."

"Bitch!"

"Catherine!"

"What?!!!!"

"What?… No! I was telling you off!"

"Right like it's not bad enough that you say `Sara' in association with `beauty', you say `Catherine' in association with `bitch'! Thanks Gil!"

"You know that isn't what I meant!"

"I might. If I weren't drunk! But, unfortunately for you, I am! And so I don't know that isn't what you meant… And I'm very upset. If I could be sure I wouldn't trip over something, I'd come over there and slap you!"

"Cath, come on? We'll start again."

"No."

"No?"

"I don't want to play anymore."

"Cath!"

"Gil!"

"Well, let's play something else… I spy with my little eye, something beginning with D."

"Darkness."

"Correct. Your turn."

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with N."

"M?"

"N!"

"Night?"

"No."

"Night time?"

"Nope."

"… Nothing?"

"Yep. A whole load of nothing!"

"Well, we could turn the lights on."

"We could… But that would involve moving… And I don't want to!"

"Fine! I'll do it!"

"Fine!"

"Ow!"

"What?"

"I stubbed my toe on something."

"You've only just stood up!"

"I hadn't even stood up. I stubbed my toe as I moved to stand up."

"That was stupid."

"Thanks!… I think I'll be safer if I just stay here."

"Whatever!"

"You're really moody when you're drunk!"

"Well, you called me a bitch! What do you expect?"

"I did not!"

"Well you did say `Sara' in association with `beauty'. You're obviously deluded!"

"Catherine!… I said that because of a conversation she and I once had."

"Must have been some conversation if she's the first thing that pops into your head ­ "

"She wasn't."

"What?"

"She wasn't the first thing that popped into my head."

"Well then you weren't playing by the rules, Mr `Rules-man'. You're supposed to say the first thing that pops into your head! So, I win that round too!"

"Fair enough."

"Oh, don't start humouring me, you … humourer!"

"Catherine ­ "

"The only reason you can not say the first thing that pops into your head is if it would be inappropriate given your company at the time… And seeing as I probably know worse words than you ever will, what the hell could you have possibly thought?"

"It doesn't matter."

"I want to know!"

"Well, I don't want to tell you."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasse?"

"No."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Gil?"

"No."

"Fine!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Gil?"

"Catherine."

"Please tell me?"

"I just did."

"…"

"…Er, Cath?"

"That's so sweet!"

"Oh, don't cry!"

"But, it's so sweet!"

"Cath…"

"…"

"Catherine, come on, really, it's not that sweet!… You are beautiful. So of course I would think of you."

"Oh, you think I'm beautiful!"

"Catherine, please, calm down."

"You're so sweet, Gil… I don't deserve you."

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"I don't!"

"Cath ­ "

"I love you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Gil?"

"You're drunk."

"I know."

"…"

"I still mean it."

"Catherine…"

"Gil…"

"…"

"…"

"Aargh!"

"Oh my God! That's bright!"

"What are you doing?"

"Lindsey? I thought you were staying out."

"I changed my mind… Kelly's staying here instead… Why were you sitting in the dark?"

"…"

"Mom?"

"We weren't… at first… It just kinda went dark."

"Are you drunk?"

"No!"

"Right!"

"Hey!"

"What? Lindsey's a smart kid, she wasn't gonna believe you anyway!"

"Well, she definitely won't if you help her along that way!"

"You know, I'm not even going to ask! Goodnight Gil… Goodnight Mom!"

"Night, baby!… Night Kelly!… I take it back!"

"Take what back?"

"What I said!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Cos I didn't mean it anyway… I was just being ironic."

"Oh, God, now you're quoting Bridget Jones. You are drunk."

"So are you."

"Am not!"

"You knew I was quoting Bridget Jones."

"Oh, God! I am drunk!"

"Told you so!"

"Coffee?"

"Beans."

"What?… Oh…Toast."

"Breakfast."

"You."

"Me."

"Effectively that's the same word!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it ­ "

"How can Y-O-U and M-E be the same word?"

"You means you and, from you, me also means you!"

"They might refer to the same thing, but that doesn't make them the same word!"

"Another rule you're trying to add in?"

"No! A fact about the English language!"

"Whatever!"

"If you're not going to be mature about this, I'm going home!"

"Oh, no you're not!"

"Oh, yes I am!"

"Oh, no you're not… hee… we sound like a pantomime!"

"Are you gonna stop me?!"

"Yes!… You're drunk!"

"So are you!"

"If you'd have let me get to my point!… You can't drive home drunk."

"I was gonna get a cab!"

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh!"

"Oh."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No."

"No, as in N-Oh?!!!!!"

"No. No as in `no, I'm not making fun of you.'… Well, not intentionally."

"Oh, just go home!"

"Fine! I'll call a cab."

"Whatever!… I'm going for some coffee… Whoa! The moom's roving!… What are you laughing at?!"

"Nothing."

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Mr Grissom!"

"Or else?"

"Or else I'll do it for you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"…"

"Right! That's it!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Oh, ow!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, your elbow just landed on my arm."

"Is that better?"

"Much. Thanks… This is one good way of taking my mind off Chris."

"I told you I would."

"Yeah, but I never imagined this was how."

"Neither did I… Maybe we ­ "

"Yes we should."

"But we're ­ "

"I still mean it."

"… I mean it too."

THE END

Well? Please don't throw things at me! You were warned that it was silly!

*slinks out*