When there's a lull in her work day and she can take a moment to just let her mind wander where it may, Gillian often finds that the path it chooses leads to Cal. And most recently, she has found herself pondering the way he kisses her; sure that she can still feel the ghost of his lips on her cheek even hours after he has left.
She doesn't remember the exact moment when it started, and it seems now as if it has always been part of their friendship for him to kiss her goodbye, or hello, or good luck. But she knows that it hasn't always been there. At some point something changed - and it makes her heart skip a little, in spite of herself, when she allows herself to admit that what changed was her marital status.
She reprimands herself on a regular basis for thinking that was the catalyst for him to become more tactile, but it does seem to fit. And she's divorced - she doesn't need to feel guilty about her feelings.
And so, ultimately, she relaxes into her mind's chosen path and lets herself remember how she feels when he kisses her. She recalls how his kisses seem to be edging closer to her lips each time; and how her heart flutters with anticipation whenever they have to part, or whenever they return to each other.
In recent weeks, she has committed several hours worth of thoughts to the fact that they are now at a point where the slightest tilt of her head could change their lives completely.
That tiniest of movements - in other circumstances completely harmless - she now has to consciously avoid every time.
It is tempting. Part of her wants to know how Cal would react; wants to see the look of surprise on his face. But another part warns that surprise might not be all she sees. And she isn't sure she is ready for rejection.
Of course there's always the third part that points out that he might not reject her. His lips may react to her with the same affection and passion that makes her long to take the risk.
Inevitably, that is where the thought path leads to: What it would be like to kiss Cal Lightman. She thinks she shouldn't want it; she's terrified she might lose him; but there's only so long a person can simply wonder. How long that is, she doesn't know. But she knows that she'll find out when she gives in to that tiniest of movements.